I recently watched an IGTV video by Rachel Hollis speaking to grown women still fighting the same issues as middle school girls. It hit home pretty hard, and it got me thinking. Middle school was quite possibly one of the most horrid eras of my life thus far… from being targeted by mean girls, to becoming a mean girl, to getting back to normal. Looking back on those times we can say “kids are cruel”, “hormones are the devil”, and a million other excuses for the ruthless behavior; however, we still see some of this behavior in adults in their 20s, 30s, 40s, etc. Why don’t we ever truly drop this competitive nature with other women?
So as my first “Real Talk” topic I present to you girl on girl, or woman on woman social crime…
Let me start by saying I am not a saint in this area. I am guilty of gossip, stirring the pot, and petty competition with other women in my life. But something about hearing it compared to acting like a middle school girl makes you stop and reflect, and look at areas of girl on girl crime that need to just STOP!
- Competing with your friends: This one seems SO silly. Why would anyone want to compete with their friends? Yet, it still happens. Solid girlfriends that stick by you through EVERYTHING life throws your way are hard to come by, so we should be doing everything humanly possible to preserve these relationships. To protect each other, build each other up and be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. There is no room for jealousy or competition in a healthy friendship. Be there for your people ladies, wholeheartedly, and leave any petty competitions at the door!
- Gossiping and spreading negativity: This is one I’m guilty of, and not really on purpose or maliciously, but I’m known to have a biggish mouth with no filter. I know I have to be better about this and learn to leave myself out of other people’s business. Even listening to someone spread negative comments about another girl is helping the negativity fester. I think that “middle school mean girl” mentality starts with this one. We can be better ladies!
- Perpetuating dramatic situations: I am really bad about letting other people’s drama seep into my own reality. I will listen to a friend complain about her relationship, and then come home and argue with my own husband about it. I know this is crazy! I tend to take on other people’s drama, and by that I just help keep it alive. I think we have to learn to let people be. The world will never be a perfect, drama free place and we can’t control that, but we can control how we chose to react to dramatic situations.
- Continuing negative relationships: This has always been a weakness that I’m proud to say I’m getting stronger at. I’ve kept negative friendships in play for decades because I felt so guilty cutting these “friends” off. There will never be a perfect friendship, so I’m not saying cut a friendship after an argument or two. However, a friendship should be more good than bad. If you look back at years worth of friendship and you see more let down, hurt, betrayal and using that is when you may want to evaluate that situation, and let go.
- Comparing yourself to other women: Our society has always pitted women against each other, and it starts young. Remember back in the day when you either had to love Britney or Christina but God forbid you actually root for both??? It’s the world we live in, and it’s total crap. Instead of saying “I wish I had ____ that she has”, look at what you actually have, what you actually bring to the table. I promise ladies there is room for all of us at the table! Life is no fun when everyone is the same, so let’s celebrate our difference instead of comparing them!
Let’s go forth being more conscious of how we treat each other, more conscious of how we contribute to negative behaviors and more willing to be open to being better versions of ourselves. There is nothing more powerful than women building each other up instead of taking each other down!
Thanks for coming to my first KAT Talk!