Last Saturday Court and I went to take Christmas pictures. I was OBVIOUSLY pumped about this because a chance to jump in front of one of my favorite photographers, well DUH! But Court really wasn’t… After it was all said and done I said to him, “thank you for agreeing to pictures, it made my heart happy” and he said, “that makes me happy”. To me this is what marriage is about people, the compromise! It is not always rainbows and sunshines and butterflies in tummies like you just met!
Court and I have been married for approximately three years and eight months now, and I thought it’d be fun/scary/interesting to open up and talk about some of the nuances of marriage because contrary to what Insta tells us, it ain’t always pretty!
Saying “I do” isn’t a magic wand for your problems. Did you ever disagree before your wedding? If you answered yes, like pretty much every human on the planet, then you’ll disagree at some points after your wedding. I think there is this perception that once you get married your partner will magically turn into everything you want them to be, and that is just not real life. My husband loathes that I never (like literally never) actually put my clothes completely away. I was like this when he met me, and I know this is going to shock you but saying “I do” didn’t magically fix my bad habit. You’re sharing a life with someone, so you’re going to disagree, you’re going to fight and I think that’s healthy. Just make sure not to fight dirty.
You will have to do things you don’t want to do. It’s called compromise people, and marriage is full of it. Does Court want to go to every family function I drag him too? No. (Sorry Mom!) Do I want to watch every Cowboys game for the rest of eternity? No. Do we always want to go to each other’s work functions? No. Was his first choice to wake up early on a Saturday and smile in the cold? No. You get it. We comprise and do things that aren’t our number one idea of fun because we really like our spouse and it’ll make them happy. Shoot, there will be times neither of you want to do an obligation, but it may just be more fun if you tough it out together!
Every day of your married life won’t be a romance novel. This week is a perfect example of this. I have asked him to put my Icy Hot patch on my back while wearing my teeth whitening trays. We have seen each other sick or just plain exhausted from life and work. You will be together through some ugly moments that don’t scream “let’s get it on” (again, sorry Mom!) and that is okay. In my humble opinion seeing each other in the not most beautiful state, makes you appreciate the beauty that much more!
You are going to get on each other’s nerves. Honestly this is bound to happen with anyone you live with. How do you sleep next to someone who is snoring and not think about popping them one good time? It’s impossible. I am sure that I get on Court’s nerves almost daily. It might be one of my greatest accomplishments 🙂 You are going to drive each other crazy sometimes because you are mostly always together and are sharing a space. Not to mention that you’re two different people with different opinions, ideas, etc. It is okay. No couple has it together all of the time, and if they say they do I’m not buying it. This is why God made girlfriends… you go out have some wine and do a group rant on all the things men have done to annoy you that week. It’s good for the soul, really.
You are going to get really mad at each other. This kind of goes with the last one, but there will be times when you get really angry with your spouse. Doing life together is hard. There will be times of loss, times of struggle, times of disappointment. Us humans aren’t always great at not taking difficult feelings out on those closest to us. Things will happen that make you really mad at each other, you may want to retreat to the guest room and not be around one another. Life gets ugly sometimes. It’s up to you at that point to try to communicate your anger, to remember why you love your person and to not let it define your relationship moving forward.
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences” – Dave Meurer
Listen y’all, I am by NO means a relationship expert. My girlfriends reading this can definitely attest to that because wine rants, ya know? I just think that it is important to not only always talk about the lovey-dovey perfect side of relationships because that isn’t the whole story. I love my husband an insane amount, and I wouldn’t trade our relationship for anything. But at the same time, I think the more we talk about the imperfections without a stigma the better off we’ll be. Who wants to live in a perfect world anyway? That’s boring…